wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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