Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
