The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
