so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
