Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
