I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
