there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
