yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
