my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
