fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
