Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
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