Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Randomize
