Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Randomize
