They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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