She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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