remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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