it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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