What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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