Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I just want to make out with him forever
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
