I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
