Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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