You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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