I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
