i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
