Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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