Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
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