On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
