oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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