There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
