Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
