I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
