Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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