we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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