does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
