you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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