I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Randomize
