nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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