I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
