the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
