Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
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