did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
