I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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