really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
