I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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