I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
