another moral hangover. fuck.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
