i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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