I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
