I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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