is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
