Why are handjobs necessary in class?
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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