It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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