i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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