I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
