My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
