It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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