I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
