I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Can you bring me the toilet please
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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