fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
