and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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