PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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