I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.