I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
You smell like stripper and shame
Just cropdusted the office
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex