i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.