Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...