I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.