listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
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Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
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"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it