It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
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It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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