You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
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