Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
