Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
