I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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