he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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