I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
