I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
