okay pat passed out under dana's car
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
