I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
