Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
